To Love

Love

July 5, 2006

A friend said this evening, ‘I don’t know where my heart is. I thought I left it in Georgia, but now that I’ve returned, I can’t find it….’
It made me think that love must be two ways. Even if one feels a burning love for something or someone that seems not to return that love, still there must be some reciprocation, no? As I kid, I wanted nothing more than to spend my evenings quietly organizing my baseball cards, by player, by team, by statistics, by year…. I loved those players, those cards, and those numbers. But it wasn’t really them I loved, it was the experience of participating in their game, of feeling organized, of feeling like I was learning something interesting; it was these experiences that fed me in return.

Now I am completely obsessed with Georgian chant. Every day I love it more, I can’t get enough. Today, with three guests, we tracked down the Zedashe rehearsal in the Sighnaghi church, where they were standing around a podium in the dark, overcast light, singing medieval chant. They weren’t sight reading a new piece, or reworking a section that had been going wrong recently, they were chanting. They were singing the words, purely, simply, without effort, singing not for perfection, but to praise something beyond themselves. The mood is different from a concert, there is no anxiety, no desire to perform, no tension.

My mood was different today. Usually, I’m all ready to sing chants, so by habit I went straight up and joined in with the basses, but I felt more like a guest today, more like a listener. I stepped back into the acoustic of the church to listen and appreciate, not my friends chant, but the sound of the ages; the sound of chant being given in praise to God in a space created for praise to God.

I’ve never wanted to sing just for singing sake, I really want to sing for joy, for love, which, simply put, means for God.

Since leaving the church, we’ve had a beautiful evening, and I’ve had a non-stop soundtrack of chants going through my head, over and over. I am a radio station from the middle ages. Someone please send in a request for the Beatles or something….

Love is two ways. One can’t expect Georgia to just provide love, one must somehow find a place to participate in that love. One must reciprocate love, invest in projects, in people, engage with a full heart, and not dwell in expectations of what was or what one expected. Love comes when I am open minded, strong in pace and task, meeting the world with my hope and strength, not when I expect something, or feel empty hearted from lack of understanding or support.

Sikharuls gaumarjos, siqvaruls gaumarjos. To happiness, and to love, they are forever tied together (Giorgi Chkheidze).